Types of Breakups That Get Back Together

Not all breakups have to end in tears.

In fact, many types of breakups get back together, whether due to mutual understanding, personal growth, or external circumstances.

But first, to calm any nerves about the question, "Do couples actually get back together?", yes it does happen quite often.

Yet, it’s more important to acknowledge the first thing: why people break up in the first place.

Why Do Breakups Happen?

There are a multitude of reasons why couples of all longevity might separate. Sometimes it can be one deciding factor; others can involve multiple reasons coming together.

Understanding why you separate from your partner can help both of you understand what you need to improve on if you wish to get back together in the future. But we’ll discuss that more below.

For now, here are the most common reasons why people breakup:

• Grew apart as the relationship progressed
• Repetitive arguments
• Unfaithfulness (cheating)
• Lack of communication
• Different interests and goals
• Financial issues
• Not sharing housework
• Difficulties with sex or intimacy
• Domestic violence
• Substance abuse

Research published in the Journal of Family Psychology shows that breakups increase psychological distress and reduce life satisfaction, which makes sense why people want to get back together.

And the statistics back this up!

Do Couples Get Back Together?

Not surprisingly, there are a lot of studies that answer the question, “Do couples get back together?”. Let’s take a look at the keynotes:

• YouGov stated that “44% of Americans say they've gotten back together with an ex after breaking up.”
• They also mentioned that "21% of people say they’ve broken up with someone and gotten back together more than once,” while "23% say they’ve done this once".
• Furthermore, survey of 4534 participants aged 18 to 55 from The Good Men Project showed that 32% of exes got back together.
• A study by Kansas State University (courtesy of The Modern Man) stated that “approximately 37% of couples living together, and 23% of married couples have broken up and then gotten back together again.”

Now that we know it’s widespread for couples to reconnect, it’s time to look at the types of breakups that get back together.

Types of Breakups That Get Back Together

Breaking Up Over External Factors

Sometimes, couples break up over external factors and timing, such as one partner relocating for work, education, or family reasons. The long-distance nature of this relationship can be challenging, so many couples call it quits at this point.

However, distance or timing doesn't always diminish the love and connection. When circumstances or external factors are no longer a hurdle, both partners can get closer or get the timing right; the couples may reunited.

Breakups for Personal Growth or Self-Discovery

How could you be happy in a relationship if you're unhappy with yourself?

That’s why many couples call it off: taking a break from a relationship can allow individuals to focus on personal growth and self-improvement while offering a period of reflection and evaluation for the relationship.

For example, many people have abandonment issues which can cause friction in a relationship. But they work towards those issues, they can feel more comfortable and confidence in the relationship.

This space allows both partners to achieve their personal goals, gain clarity about their desires, assess their compatibility, address underlying issues, and determine whether they want to give their relationship another chance.

Amicable Breakups

Many couples realize that they don’t work — at that moment. Couples who part ways amicably, without harboring significant resentment or hatred, may find it easier to maintain a friendship post-breakup.

This open and platonic communication can actually lay the groundwork for getting back together. By staying connected and supportive, couples may gradually rediscover their bond and consider rekindling their romantic relationship.

Temporary Breakups

Remember Ross from Friends -- “We were on a break!”?

Well, that’s a common theme for many couples. Sometimes, couples just need a break from each other. This provides them with an opportunity to reevaluate their own personal priorities and goals while addressing any specific relationship issues or conflicts.

Alone time can help couples gain perspective, reflect on their feelings, and consider the possibility of getting back together.

“Unsure” Breakups

Being unsure about breaking up is one of the most common reasons exes get back together.

It’s similar to the “Heat of the Moment” or "on-off again" breakup. It’s an intense, emotional reaction, but the couple might realize they want to get back together when things cool down.

The time apart helps the couples that it might not have been the “right” decision to separate, and they could do more to reconnect the relationship.

An “Issues” Breakup

Breakups are commonly influenced by health challenges, whether mental (depression or anxiety) or personal (addiction). But these breakups do not signify the end of the relationship.

If the partner is willing to put the work into themselves and the relationship, they can reconnect on a deeper level. They can also work together to help the other partner.

Trauma can help strengthen their bond and rebuild their relationship based on understanding and empathy.

Married Couples

Marriage is a powerful connection that helps people remain together.

Whether it’s the commitment, the life they’ve built around them, or the children, married couples tend to reconcile more than most. They have something to fight for and are willing to go the distance to keep the relationship going.

Counseling or therapy can work towards resolving their differences and strengthening their marital bond.

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Why People Get Back Together After a Breakup

There are many reasons why couples decide to reconnect and get back together:

• They still love each other deeply and have lingering feelings
• They want to make the long-term relationship work
• They believe they can overcome any issues
• There is familiarity and comfort between the partners
• There is a deep need for companionship
• There is regret from both sides about the breakup
• They gain insight into what went wrong and how to fix it
• They undertook personal development and want to recommit

While there are many good reasons for couples to get back together, one thing they have to watch out for is to avoid “relationship cycling”.

What is Relationship Cycling?

Relationship cycling (also known as “on-and-off-again” relationships) is a “predictable, repetitive cycle of breaking up and getting back together again”.

It’s basically a relationship in which the couple separates, then gets back together again, and then separates again, continuing this pattern.

There are multiple reasons why this happens, including fear of being alone, beliefs that things will change, low self-esteem or self-worth, a love bombing cycle, a prolonged history with the partner, and addictions to the intensity and habits of the relationship.

This cycle can cause enormous amounts of stress, anxiety, and depression for both partners as they find themselves in very unstable relationships and situations.

That’s why it’s important to get down to the “core” reasons why this cycle keeps happening. Is it communication, different goals, or financial issues?

Taking the time to reflect back and understanding what is driving this cycle is important to ensure that both parties reflect on changing their lives, approaches, and anything required to help grow the relationship.

But to say “on-and-off-again” relationships won’t end up happy together is too big a stretch to call. It does happen to lots of couples, but it is a clear sign that something must be worked on together to ensure the relationship thrives.

What to Do After a Breakup If You Want to Get Back Together

There are many occasions where time apart in a relationship offers a new perspective and entices the prospect of reconnecting.

So, what do you do when you want to get back together with an ex?

• Give yourself time to recognize what is right and wrong in the relationship. Respect your ex-partner's need for space and time to process the breakup and allow emotions to settle.
• Focus on self-improvement. Everyone can improve themselves, and becoming the best version of yourself can help the relationship enormously. Invest in activities that bring you joy, nurture your well-being, and contribute to your personal development.
• If you wish to reconcile, you must communicate openly and honestly about your feelings and intentions. Express what you want in a relationship, your deal breakers, and how to work through any issues and rebuild the relationship with mutual respect and understanding.
• Understand your attachment style, as this is important. Attachment styles have a powerful impact on the outcome of relationships, so it’s essential to recognize your and your partner’s. Instead of breaking up (which different for avoidants and anxiously attached), you might have to realign your styles a bit or become securely attached.
• Getting professional help can address underlying issues and improve communication skills. Having professional advice and some relationship-building exercises can help rebirth the relationship.

Takeaways

• There are numerous reasons why couples separate, including growing apart, repetitive arguments, cheating, poor communication, and financial issues.
• Several types of breakups can still result in couples reuniting, such as amicable and temporary breakups, separations for personal growth reasons, and external factors, such as moving away, education, or work.
• Couples that get back together do so because they still love each other, want to make the relationship work, and there is familiarity, comfort, and history, or regret the breakup.
• Yet, they have to make sure they don’t end up in relationship cycling (“on-and-off-again” relationships) that don’t progress the relationship.
• Here’s what to do if what do you do when you want to get back together with an ex after separating: give yourself time to recognize what is right and wrong in the relationship, focus on self-improvement, improve your communication, and understand your attachment style.

If you want to help when it comes to reconnecting with your ex-partner, take our How to Repair Any Relationship course.

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