Alone Time in a Relationship

Despite being in a loving relationship, do you sometimes wish you had some time for yourself?

Before you think that trouble is brewing—fear not.

Wanting alone time in a relationship is entirely normal and even necessary for a healthy relationship. It will not only improve your well-being but also strengthen your relationship as you show up as your best self.

And if you believe that “wanting space” means something is wrong with the relationship, it’s not—as long as it’s not too much. It's all about striking the right balance.

This guide will help you understand the importance of alone time, how it helps your relationship, the signs you need it, and how to talk to your partner about it.

Let's begin...

What Does Alone Time in a Relationship Really Mean?

What does “alone time” mean in the first place?

Essentially, it's the intentional act of having time away from your partner to focus on things you like to do.

It doesn’t mean just “solitude”; it can involve engaging with others without your partner being present.

Often called “me time” or “solo time,” this type of self-exploration can take many forms, including exercising, exploring new places, pursuing hobbies, or spending time with friends — anything that allows you to focus on your interests and self-care while recharging and empowering your mental well-being.

Now, some people prefer more alone time than others, and that’s due to several factors, including lifestyles, personality type, and, yes, even your attachment style.

How Attachment Styles Affect Alone Time in Relationships

Dismissive Avoidant: Avoidants have one key defining factor: they love their independence and naturally crave alone time as a way to maintain autonomy. So, if you’re a dismissive avoidant or dating one, expect that time alone is part of the relationship dynamic.

Fearful Avoidant: These individuals create a push-pull dynamic in relationships, so alone time can trigger mixed emotions for them. They might initially feel relief from the emotional intensity of the relationship but soon experience anxiety or fear of abandonment.

Anxious Preoccupied: Anxiously attached people struggle with alone time because it triggers fears of abandonment and insecurity. A partner asking for too much space might trigger the anxious person to feel rejected and make them clingy.

Secure Attached: People who are securely attached view alone time in relationships as healthy and necessary rather than threatening. They trust their partner, respect boundaries, and enjoy alone time while anticipating the quality time they’ll spend together afterward.

Alone time isn’t just a personal preference—it’s a crucial component of a healthy relationship.

Next, we’ll explore how it helps both you and your relationship.

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Why is Alone Time Important?

Now, if you are wondering if alone time might be a problem—don’t! It’s essential not just for you but also for building and maintaining a healthy, balanced relationship.

Personal Benefits of Alone Time

Helps You Focus on Yourself and Your Interests Spending time alone allows you to reconnect with the things that bring you joy and fulfillment—whether that’s getting fit, learning a new skill, or diving into a passion project. When you’re thriving as an individual, you bring more to the table as a partner.

Reinforces Your Independence Alone time helps you stay in touch with your independence, giving you the confidence to make decisions, pursue goals, and handle life’s challenges on your own. And when both partners maintain their sense of autonomy, the relationship becomes stronger and more balanced.

Allows Time for Self-Care Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Having space to recharge brings you peace and happiness, which in turn means you’ll be happier in your relationship.

Time & Space for Your Thoughts It’s easy to lose track of your thoughts, desires, and personal growth, particularly with how fast life is. When alone, try these questions next time: What’s working in your life? What do you want more of? What needs to change? The answers can offer you guidance on what to do next in life.

Relationship Benefits of Alone Time

Strengthens Attraction & Desire You’ve heard the line before: “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”. Trust me, it works! Allow yourself to miss your partner so you can foster a renewed sense of attraction and appreciation.

Stops Enmeshment and Resentment Too much togetherness can blur boundaries and make you feel like you’re losing yourself—this is called enmeshment. It is when there are no boundaries between you and your partner, which leads to resentment over time and damages the relationship.

Now that you know the benefits of alone time, the next question is: how much time do you need?

How Much Alone Time Do You Need?

Knowing that alone time is healthy in a relationship is one thing—but how much is too much or too little? What’s the right amount of time alone and with your partner?

Unfortunately, there is no set and fast rule. Most guidelines state that you should spend around 70% of your time together and 30% on yourself.

But it's all about working together and finding the right balance based on what feels natural for both partners while recognizing the many factors that influence it.

Factors That Influence Your Need for Alone Time

There is no one-size-fits-all answer. Alone time is different for each person, based on personalities, experiences, relationship dynamics, and external circumstances.

Understanding what shapes your needs can help you find the right balance between independence and connection.

Attachment Style: As stated above, your attachment style significantly impacts the amount of alone time you need. Avoidants crave more independence, while anxiously preoccupied people want more time together. Fearful avoidants struggle with alone time, and securely attached people feel happy either way.

Personality Type: Extroverts are known for gaining energy from being around others and may not feel the same need for personal space. Introverts, on the other hand, often need alone time to recharge after social interactions, including time with their partner.

Lifestyle & Work Schedules: Your work hours might not align with your partner's, which means you have to work harder to schedule both alone and relationship time.

Relationship Stage: In the early stages of a relationship, couples often crave more time together because it's exciting. However, as a relationship matures, spouses may find a balance that prioritizes both quality time and personal independence.

Personal Interests & Hobbies: If you have solo interests—reading, writing, or painting—you might require more time together. Conversely, if you have group activities, you might crave alone time to balance it out.

Emotional & Mental Well-Being: Stressful life events can really impact our mental state. And it can work both ways: you can require more alone time for self-reflection and processing emotions, or you could prefer being with your partner during these moments.

The key is to check in with your partner regularly and adjust as needed. If one person starts feeling disconnected, it’s time to discuss and find a balance that works for both of you. But before that, you should recognize the signs you need alone time.

Key Signs You Need More Alone Time in Your Relationship (And What to Do About It)

You’re Arguing Over Small Things

If you’re starting to fight and argue about little things, it might be time to consider a break. Especially if the tiniest issues—like forgetting to put the cap on the toothpaste or picking a movie—turn into unnecessary arguments.

What to Do: Step away for a bit, engage in solo activities, or take a personal day to reset your emotions. A little space can help you return with a clearer mindset and a more patient perspective.

You’re bored or Feel Stuck in a Routine

If the relationship is monotonous and stagnant, that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with it; you might just need time to focus on yourself and offer a new perspective on your relationship.

What to Do: Shake things up by dedicating time to yourself by picking up a new hobby, spending time outdoors, or pursuing a creative passion.

You Miss Your Social Life

Friends and family are an important fabric of our lives, so that means you should always seek to form and maintain these relationships. Neglecting them can leave you feeling isolated.

What to Do: Make an effort to stay connected with your friends or family, whether that’s a quick coffee or a planned adventure. Maintaining relationships outside of your partner helps you feel more fulfilled and balanced.

You Don’t Feel Like Yourself Anymore

If you feel that you’re not just yourself and you’ve just become part of a partnership, then seeking time for yourself is valid.

What to Do: Do things that make you feel like yourself again—regardless of what that is. It will help you bring your best self to the relationship.

Remember: noticing these signs isn't a sign of trouble—it’s a sign of self-awareness. In fact, you should be applauded for taking this proactive step.

Now, let's look at how you can tell your partner you need time.

How to Tell Your Partner You Need Alone Time

Bringing up the need for alone time can feel tricky because you might be unsure how your partner might respond (or you do and have to prepare yourself for it).

It’s understandable to hesitate, but expressing your need for personal space in a reassuring manner is the answer.

Step 1. Establish What Alone Time Means for You

Before discussing it with your partner, take the time to think about what it means for you. Does it mean listening to a podcast, going for a walk, or having dinner with friends? With this foundation, you can then easily communicate with your partner what you want when asking for time alone.

Step 2. Reaffirm That It’s About You, Not Them

Your partner may initially take your request for space personally. Emphasize that needing time alone doesn’t mean you’re unhappy in the relationship; rather, it helps you recharge and present your best self to them.

Step 3. Be Specific in What You Ask For

The worst thing you can do is be vague and unclear with your requests. That leads to misunderstandings and confusion. A great way to approach this conversion is to be very clear about what you want, like saying, “I want to play soccer every Thursday and Friday to enjoy my time alone”.

Step 4. Encourage Them to Take Alone Time Too

Frame alone time as a positive thing for both of you. Let your partner know they should also take time to do what they love. They’ll appreciate that you’re also thinking about them and their needs, too.

Step 5. Plan a Special Reunion

Tell your partner you’ll have a special reunion or time together, like a date night or a shared activity you both enjoy. This will make the time apart feel beneficial and make it exciting to catch up again.

Up next, we’ll explore the benefits of personal space and how it enhances intimacy and connection.

How Alone Time Strengthens Your Relationship

We’ve mentioned it several times already, so there’s no harm in repeating it: alone time strengthens and enhances your relationship.

Alone time isn’t about growing apart—it’s about making room for personal fulfillment so you can show up as the best version of yourself in your relationship.

And if you’re wondering how it will make a difference for you and your partner, take a read below:

1. Rekindles Attraction and Desire When you and your partner spend every waking moment together, the mystery and excitement that initially drew you to each other can fade. Giving each other space allows anticipation to build, making reunions more meaningful and passionate.

2. Appreciate What Your Partner Does Time away from your partner allows you to appreciate what they offer and do in the relationship. You’ll come back with an understanding of how your partner contributes to your relationship, what you offer, and how you both can add more to the connection.

3. Enhances Communication When you have personal space, you gain clarity on your thoughts and emotions, making it easier to express your needs and feelings calmly and clearly.

4. Supports Emotions Solo time helps reset your emotional state by allowing you to decompress, understand emotions, and manage stress. If you’re constantly together, minor frustrations can build up, leading to unnecessary arguments.

5. Prevents Codependency While closeness is essential, too much reliance on each other can lead to codependency, where one or both partners lose their sense of individuality. Time apart ensures that both partners contribute to the relationship from a place of self-sufficiency rather than neediness.

6. Encourages Personal Growth A strong relationship consists of two individuals who continue to grow both together and separately. Alone time gives you the opportunity to explore hobbies, set personal goals, and develop yourself.

Key Takeaways of Alone Time in Relationships

• Alone time is the intentional act of spending time away from your partner to focus on things you like to do, such as exploring new places, pursuing hobbies, or spending time with friends.
• The benefits allow you to focus on yourself and your interests, reinforce your independence, and embrace self-care.
• It will strengthen your relationship by encouraging communication, rekindling attraction and desire, and preventing codependency and resentment.
• Factors that impact your need for alone time include attachment styles, personality types, relationship stage, and lifestyle.
• You and your partner should consider alone time if you’re arguing over small things, stuck in a routine, or miss your social life.
• Be clear about what alone time means for you, reaffirm it’s about you, not your partner, and encourage them to take alone time, too.

If you're ready to strengthen your relationship while embracing alone time, our courses can help you start creating the balance you need today.

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