Signs of Low Self-Esteem & What to Do About It

Do you feel down about yourself? Do you have a negative perception about what you can achieve and can't? Do you think you can’t handle what life throws at you? 

That’s low self-esteem, and it’s a silent struggle that ripples through our lives without us even knowing about it.

It can affect our personal growth and relationships and limit the scope of what we can achieve and accomplish. 

Understanding the signs of low self-esteem, its causes, and how to address them is essential for fostering a healthier self-image and improving your self-esteem.

What is Self-Esteem?

The way you feel, think, and value yourself is known as self-esteem. This self-perception affects your self-worth, characteristics, and beliefs. 

While there is an overlap with self-confidence, it’s very different.

Confidence is a person’s ability to manage an area of life, such as health, finances, and career. It can fluctuate from good to bad depending on the situation or task at hand. 

Self-esteem, though, is shaped by various factors, including childhood trauma, experiences, relationships, and social influences. And depending on those situations, self-esteem can go up or down.

When it’s good, you have high self-esteem, which is defined by having a “high” level of confidence, positive self-image, self-talk, self-acceptance, and resilience about what you can achieve.

On the other scale, low self-esteem is when you have doubts, insecurities, and a poor perception of yourself, which is fueled by negative self-talk. 

Spotting low self-esteem within yourself or someone else is easier when you notice the signs of it. 

12 Signs of Low Self-Esteem

Recognizing the signs of low self-esteem is the first step toward addressing it. Here are some common indicators:

Negative Self-Talk: Perhaps the most common sign of low self-esteem is when people criticize themselves with negative judgments without any compassion or care. This creates a loop of internal and harsh dialogue. 

Prioritizing Needs, Wants, & Feelings: A common experience that occurs in social situations and relationships where a person places other people’s needs, wants, and feeling above their own. This leads to repressed difficult emotions and an inability to feel “feelings”. 

Avoiding Challenges: An underlying fear, hesitation, or outright refusal to take on any new tasks, responsibilities, or challenges due to a fear of failure. This can lead to stunted personal growth and negative feelings about someone's ability.  

Feeling Unworthy or Needy: The experience of not believing that a person deserves any love, praise, or affection whether from loved ones, friends, or within the workplace. These persistent feelings can lead to low moods, poor opinions about one's self, and even suicidal ideation due to increased loneliness, sadness, and hopelessness. 

Poor Self-Image: A standard and recognized sign of low self-esteem is the ability to describe oneself as unattractive, unwanted, and unloved in any way possible. This can be seen in other signs, such as rejecting compliments, intense self-criticism, and social withdrawal. 

Fear of Rejection: Avoiding social situations or opportunities due to fear of being judged or rejected creates a cycle in which one doesn’t take on any challenges or create any new relationships.

Unable to Build Healthy Relationships: Issues like jealousy, boundaries, intimacy, and trust can all be negatively affected when low self-esteem is evident in relationships. This creates a situation where people are unable to actually create a healthy relationship and struggle with personal boundaries (most noticeably when someone is overly clingy).

Overly Apologetic: Frequently saying “sorry” for one’s opinions or existence, even if they are not wrong. A lack of self-belief is the primary driver of these actions, resulting in people feeling bad for standing up for themselves. 

Comparison to Others: Constantly measuring against other people will always make a person feel worse about themselves. This is a common issue with people with low self-esteem, who feel inferior and unworthy to others. 

Worrying about Decisions: Even after making a decision, people with low self-esteem often linger and stress about making the wrong choice. They doubt their own opinions, thoughts, and beliefs. 

Trying to be “Perfect”: To combat their own innate feelings, sometimes people set unattainably high standards and feel inadequate when they are not met.

Poor Outlook & Self-Sabotage: Low self-worth can cause people to be hopeless about the future, leading them to not take any positive actions that can enhance their life, causing a cycle of self-sabotage that destroys any chance of happiness. 

The question most people with low self-esteem ask is where this belief about themselves originated from. As mentioned above, several factors can contribute to low self-esteem.

Let's take a look at them now.

Why Do I Have Low Self-Esteem?

Childhood Experiences: Your childhood experiences have a profound impact on how your perceive yourself. Negative feedback or opinions from parents (mother, father, or both), teachers, family members, and friends can leave people doubting themselves at a very young age.

Traumatic Events: Abuse (physical, emotional, mental, and sexual), bullying (like in school or not fitting in), significant events (like death), and unhealthy, abusive relationships can lead to a devastating effect on one’s self-belief and perceptions.

Social & Cultural Expectations: Social pressures, media portrayals, and cultural standards can place unrealistic benchmarks on people, whether that’s beauty, relationships, children, or finances. This leads to people not being able to “achieve” them, therefore feeling they failed.

Medical Problems: Unfortunately, medical issues can lead people to feel “devalued” as the pressure and hassle of not being able to do things like a “regular” (this doesn't exist) person means that they develop low self-esteem. This can sometimes be seen in people with a disability or cognitive distortions. 

A Series of Rejection & Failure: Past experiences of failure or rejection can lead to a fear of future risks. That starts to filter through that the person is not able to achieve anything, leading to more self-doubts and unworthiness. 

Lack of Belonging: People who feel that they don’t in with their family, schools, or at work, come to the decision they are not worthy or valuable. 

Undetermined Identity: Doubts about gender, sexuality, or body (and the sometimes insufficient emotional support that sometimes comes from family or friends) can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy, leading to severe issues such as depression or anxiety. 

Regardless of the cause of low self-esteem, if left to fester, it can lead severe negative outcomes in all walks of life. 

The Effects of Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem, left untreated or on its own, can lead to a multitude of negative outcomes that impact how people live and foster relationships. 

Mental Health: There is an increased risk of anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders due to low self-esteem. Studies "show specific associations between emotion regulation and anxiety, highlighting the significant impact of self-esteem”.

Poor Productivity: A lack of confidence and self-doubt prevents people from completing work, achieving goals, or delivering productive outcomes. This creates a cycle that can hinder motivation and achievement in school or the workplace.

Unhealthy Relationships: People with low self-esteem really struggle to establish or maintain healthy relationships due to fear of intimacy or conflict. They might even find themselves in enmeshment or co-dependent relationships. 

Lack of Personal Growth: Missing out on potential or professional growth is typical of people with low self-esteem. They have a fear of failure or judgment, which can lead to social anxiety where they stay in specific jobs only. 

Watch this video to learn about how the way we talk to ourselves affects our self-esteem!

What to Do About It

With the right tools and processes, you can experience a gradual process that requires patience and commitment to help you build up your self-esteem so that you can see yourself in a positive light. 

Here are some effective strategies:

Understand Your Needs: It’s important to recognize what your top needs are on a regular basis. Is it empathy, trust, or self-care? Take the time to focus on what is important for you, how you can get it, and why you need it.

Set Goals: Having goals can make any journey more effortless than ever before. Take the time to make your goals as clear and tangible as possible in whatever area you want to improve in (career, mental, emotional, relationship, or financial) so you can achieve them. Start small and nothing too difficult. Once you do it, mark it off and set your goals even higher! 

Reframe Your Beliefs: Also known as challenging negative self-talk. Your innate beliefs and experiences is what led you to have low self-esteem. Now, you have to reprogram them by challenging those beliefs. You can do this by writing out where you criticize or unfairly judge yourself and the thoughts that come with them. Then, challenge that initial thought with the positive affirmations to slowly change your beliefs. 

Build Self-Care Habits: Engage in positive activities (such as hobbies or activities that you enjoy and excel at) so you can foster a sense of accomplishment. Learn to engage in mindfulness or meditation to help you stay grounded and present while practicing visualization and intention setting. The latter two will help you envision what you want to achieve and how and help you build positive qualities about yourself. 

Communicate Your Feelings: Identifying your own feelings and needs can help you advocate for yourself more effectively. This allows you to empower your relationships by clearly communicating who you are and what you desire, helping you build trust, boundaries, and support. Talk to friends, family, or a mental health professional to alleviate feelings of isolation, and build healthy and positive relationships. 

Focus on Your Strengths: Regularly acknowledge and appreciate your strengths and accomplishments, no matter how small. This will help your confidence that you can achieve anything you want if you work hard at it and do it in the way you see fit. 

Summary on Low Self-Esteem

• Self-esteem is the subjective way we feel, think, and value ourselves. 
• Low self-esteem is defined as having negative self-worth, value, insecurities, and a poor perception of oneself.
• It is caused by childhood experiences, trauma, social and cultural influences, and more. 
• Signs can include negative self-talk, avoiding challenges, comparison with others, and being overly apologetic.
• It can lead to mental health issues, poor performance, unhealthy relationships, and missed opportunities. 
• Strategies to improve self-esteem include reframing your beliefs, building self-care habits, communicating your feelings, and setting goals. 

Remember, the journey to improved self-esteem takes time, but it is absolutely achievable. And you can take it to the next level with our Skyrocket Your Self-Esteem Course. Sign up today and transform your life! 

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