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Why No Contact Works


Reading time:

5 min


Published on:

Wed Jun 19 2024


Written by:

The Personal Development School

I’m sure you’ve heard of the term “no contact”.

But what exactly is "no contact," and why does it work?

In this blog, we'll delve into the concept of the No Contact Rule, discuss ten reasons why it works, and provide tips on making it successful.

What is No Contact?

"No Contact" is a strategy people use to minimize contact with their ex-partner or spouse after a breakup or the end of a relationship.

It involves refraining from communication, whether it be through calls, texts, social media, or in-person interactions.

The purpose of no contact is to create space and time for healing, personal growth, and self-reflection. It’s like an extremely long-distance relationship without any contact.

It is known as the No Contact Rule and has become very popular over the last few years due to its effectiveness in helping people and relationships.

Does the No Contact Rule Work?


As long as you do it correctly!

That means doing the following:

  • Know your goals you want to achieve during this period
  • Set the rules with your ex to clearly define boundaries
  • Stick to your guns when you’re struggling
  • Focus on yourself and your personal growth
  • Connect with family and friends to form healthy relationships

Now, let's expand on the 10 reasons why no contact works!

no contact ruleq

10 Reasons Why No Contact Works

1— Emotional Healing

No contact provides a crucial space for emotional wounds to heal without the constant reminder of the past relationship. It allows partners to process their feelings, grieve the loss, and focus on their emotional needs instead of their partners.

2— Self-Reflection

Self-reflection is an important aspect of breaking up. Having the time to reflect on the relationship as it was (not as it should be) provides more scope. It allows you to objectively evaluate the relationship dynamics, identify patterns, and understand the reasons for its end.

3— Gives You Perspective

Uncertainty and unresolved emotions often fuel anxiety, stress, and loneliness in the aftermath of a breakup. But when you take the partner out of it and have time for yourself, you can stop overanalyzing interactions, allowing you to focus on your life situation and your next steps.

4— Breaks Dependency

In a relationship, you might become dependent (or even codependent) on your partner or vice versa. This creates a situation that prolongs emotional dependency and hinders personal growth. But having the time for yourself lets you develop independence, self-reliance, and resilience and become more focused on empowering yourself.

5— Gives You a Dose of Reality

Think of no contact as a chance to “detox” from your ex-partner. This gives you a dose of reality as you learn to see and understand what life is like without them. It might seem cruel and hard initially, but it will help you figure out your current situation and what you need and want to do next.

6— Self-Discovery

The period of no contact encourages self-reflection and exploration. You will be freed from the restrictions of the relationship, with plenty of alone time for you to reconnect with yourself. You can rediscover your interests, passions, and values, and envision a future independent of their former partner. It also allows you to prioritize self-care, self-compassion, and self-improvement, reaffirming your value, self-esteem, and worthiness.

7— Prevents Regrettable Actions

One of the benefits of no contact is that you avoid any potential regrettable actions, such as speaking or getting intimate with your ex. It allows you to reinforce healthy boundaries and self-respect while sending a clear message that certain behaviors or interactions are no longer acceptable. It will empower you to prioritize your well-being and cultivate relationships based on mutual respect and reciprocity.

8— Helps with Closure

Closure is essential for moving forward after a breakup — and no contact provides the necessary space for both parties to process their emotions, reflect on the relationship, and come to terms with its end in their own time. It allows you to reset any emotional attachments by gradually separating and moving away from the emotional intensity of the relationship.

9— Empowers Independence

Dwelling on the past can impact your personal growth and hinder the pursuit of future opportunities. The No Contact Rule gives you back your independence so you know what it’s like to be and do what you want. This empowering process will encourage you to invest energy in self-growth, new experiences, and meaningful connections.

10— Define Your Next Relationship

Now that you know what went wrong, what unmet needs weren’t met, what you need to do differently, and what deal breakers you have in place, you define and establish your next relationship. You’ll know what to do and what to expect, giving you greater clarity than ever before. And it all comes from the no contact rule.

Watch this video to learn how the different attachment styles deal with "No Contact"

What Happens If You Break the No-Contact Rule?

Firstly, don’t be so hard on yourself. A lot of partners crack under the feelings of despair and loneliness and break the No Contact Rule.

The issue is if it keeps going. This can lead to heightened emotions, increased confusion, a breakdown in healthy boundaries, and setbacks in personal growth. It will also disrupt your healing process and put you in an uncomfortable and unsure position.

So, the most important steps to regain control of the No Contact Rule are:

  • Acknowledge that slips or lapses in no contact are common
  • Realize it is not a sign of failure
  • Set new rules that establish more challenging boundaries
  • Refocus on the original intention and recommit to the healing journey
  • Continue with the no-contact rule and push forward

Does the No Contact Rule Get Your Ex Back?

The primary purpose of the No Contact Rule is to help create separation between partners, allowing for self-reflection and personal growth.

However, in some circumstances, it can lead to people reconnecting. The time apart can help people realize what went wrong in the relationship, how much they miss their partner, and what needs to be done to reconnect and maintain the relationship.

But it’s important to remember that reconciliation is not guaranteed. The focus should be on individual healing and self-improvement rather than on rekindling the relationship. What happens afterward is up in the air.

When Do You Know if the No Contact Rule has Worked?

Whether the No Contact Rule works depends on the individual, their situation because of their breakup and their attachment style.

But there are some clear-cut signs that the no contact approach is working in your favor:

  • Your ex reaches out to you first
  • You embrace self-improvement and self-care
  • You have clarity on what you want without any emotional turmoil
  • You’re emotionally healing in a positive way
  • You’re ready to connect with others

Need Help with No Contact?

By committing to the No Contact Rule and prioritizing self-care, you can navigate the challenging journey of breakup recovery with greater ease and resilience. Remember, while no contact may be difficult initially, the long-term benefits far outweigh the temporary discomfort.

However, for those really struggling with it, we have a series of webinars on No Contact as part of our Memberships!

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