A Sexless Relationship: What It Is, Signs, and How to Fix It

Have you ever looked at your partner and wondered, "What happened to us?" The chemistry that once kept you close now seems like a distant memory, and intimacy might be off the table completely.

Maybe it’s been a few weeks—or even months—since you’ve had sex, and you’re starting to wonder: Is this normal? Is this a sign of something deeper? And most importantly, can this relationship be saved?

A sexless relationship isn’t just about how often intimacy happens—it’s about how it makes both partners feel.

Some couples go long stretches without sex and are perfectly happy. Others find that a lack of physical intimacy leads to frustration, loneliness, and even resentment.

The truth is that relationships evolve. Stress, life changes, body image issues, communication issues, and even unresolved emotional wounds can cause intimacy to shift over time.

The key is understanding whether this is a temporary phase or a more profound misalignment of needs. That’s where attachment styles come in; understanding how you and your partner connect emotionally and physically can help you navigate this challenge with clarity and intention.

So, is a sexless relationship always a problem?

What is a Sexless Relationship?

What actually counts as a sexless relationship? For some, it’s going a month without intimacy. For others, it’s having sex so rarely that it starts to feel like a distant memory. However, no matter what “a sexless relationship,” looks like to you, you can take comfort in knowing this dynamic is more common than you’d think.

A 2018 survey published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that over 15% of married individuals reported not having sex in the past year. However, this is likely a conservative estimate, as social stigma often prevents couples from openly acknowledging sexual dry spells.

According to Carolina Patakay, PhD, LMFT, in an article for Women’s Health, “A widely used benchmark on the topic says relationships are sexless when sex happens less than 10 times per year.”

However, this is just a benchmark. Some couples are perfectly content with little to no sex, while others find that a lack of physical connection leads to frustration, loneliness, and resentment. The key question is not, "Are we having enough sex?" but rather, "Are we both happy with the level of intimacy we have?"

Sexless Relationship vs. Losing Attraction

A dry spell doesn’t always mean attraction is gone. Life happens—stress, work, kids, or health issues can all play a role in making sex less of a priority.

The important distinction is whether intimacy has taken a temporary backseat due to circumstances or if deeper emotional or physical disconnection is at play. Identifying the root cause can help you figure out what to do next.

Here are some questions to help you reflect:

• Outside the bedroom, do you still enjoy your partner’s company?
• Are you affectionate in other ways—hugging, kissing, holding hands?
• Do you feel emotionally connected, or has distance been growing between you?
• Have external stressors (work, kids, mental health, etc.) been draining your energy?
• Do you still find your partner attractive, even if you’re not feeling particularly sexual right now?
• If circumstances changed (less stress, more time together), do you think your desire would return?

Attraction naturally ebbs and flows in long-term relationships. Just because you’re in a dry spell doesn’t mean the spark is gone forever or that the relationship is doomed.

If the foundation of your relationship is strong, intimacy can be rekindled with intention. Sometimes, small shifts—spending quality time together, creating space for novelty, or addressing stressors—can make all the difference.

Why Do Relationships Become Sexless?

There are several reasons why relationships can feel “sexless”:

1) Stress and External Pressures

External stressors such as work, finances, and family obligations can consume emotional energy and reduce the desire for intimacy.

2) Low Self-esteem and Body Image Issues

Personal insecurities can lead to decreased sexual confidence and a reluctance to engage in intimacy.

3) Sexual Dysfunction and Health Concerns

Medical conditions, hormonal imbalances, and psychological factors can impact libido and sexual function.

4) Communication Breakdowns

Poor communication, unresolved conflicts, and emotional disconnect often lead to a decline in physical closeness.

5) Life Changes and Transitions

Parenthood, aging, lifestyle shifts, and major transitions can alter intimacy patterns over time.

QUICK TIP
If you're feeling emotionally disconnected, focus on rebuilding non-sexual intimacy first. Strengthening your bond in this way can help close the gap between you and your partner without creating pressure or triggering insecurities.

Is a Sexless Relationship Always a Problem?

Not necessarily!

Some couples thrive without sex, especially if they maintain strong emotional intimacy and feel fulfilled in other ways. For them, a lack of physical intimacy doesn’t mean something is wrong—it’s just not a priority.

But for others, a sexless relationship can lead to frustration, loneliness, or even resentment. If one or both partners feel unfulfilled, the absence of sex can create emotional distance, making them feel more like roommates than romantic partners.

The key question isn’t whether a relationship should have sex—it’s whether both partners are happy and satisfied with their level of intimacy.

If the lack of sex isn’t bothering either of you, there’s nothing to "fix." But if it’s creating tension or emotional distance, it might be time for an open and honest conversation about what intimacy means to both of you.

The Effects of a Sexless Relationship

The emotional consequences of a sexless relationship can include:

• Feelings of rejection, loneliness, and frustration
• Decreased self-esteem and increased stress
• Potential resentment or emotional distancing
• Risk of infidelity or relationship breakdown

Rebuilding Intimacy Beyond Sex – A Holistic Approach

When intimacy starts to fade, it’s easy to focus on the lack of sex—but the real connection goes much deeper. Instead of making sex the goal, try shifting the focus to emotional closeness first. When you feel truly connected, intimacy (in all forms) tends to follow naturally.

1) Shift the Focus from Sex to Connection First

Rather than jumping straight to physical intimacy, prioritize small, meaningful interactions that bring you closer:

• Share little moments of affection— compliments, inside jokes, or playful teasing.
• Show love through touch without any pressure (hugs, holding hands, cuddling).
• Spend uninterrupted quality time together, whether it’s cooking dinner, taking a walk, or just talking.

2) Redefine What Intimacy Means for Both Partners

Intimacy isn’t just about sex—it’s about feeling close in different ways:

• Emotional intimacy: Deep, open conversations where you feel seen and heard.
• Intellectual intimacy: Sharing ideas, debating topics, or dreaming about the future together.
• Experiential intimacy: Trying new things as a couple, from hobbies to travel.
• Spiritual intimacy: Meditating together, attending retreats, or simply discussing life’s bigger questions.

3) Address Unspoken Resentments & Unresolved Tensions

Unspoken frustrations and unresolved conflicts can create distance. If there’s tension in your relationship, have honest, blame-free conversations to clear the air. Sometimes, emotional disconnect isn’t about sex at all—it’s about feeling unseen, unappreciated, or misunderstood.

4) Break the Routine – Introduce Novelty & Spontaneity

Long-term relationships can start to feel predictable, which can dull attraction over time. Injecting a little novelty—whether it’s a surprise date, a new experience, or even switching up daily habits—can reignite excitement and connection.

5) Take a “Reset Period” and Remove Pressure

If intimacy feels like a struggle, consider taking a break from the expectation of sex for a set period (30-60 days) and focus entirely on emotional closeness. When the pressure is off, desire often returns naturally.

6) Self-Work: Evaluate Personal Blocks to Intimacy

Sometimes, personal struggles like body image issues, past trauma, or emotional exhaustion can block intimacy. Working through these challenges—whether through therapy, journaling, or self-reflection—can help remove internal barriers to connection.

At the end of the day, intimacy is about feeling close, safe, and connected. When you nurture that foundation, everything else—including sex—tends to fall into place.

Select from this playlist to find how sex and intimacy affect you

Can You Save a Sexless Relationship, and Is It Worth It?

Saving a relationship without physical intimacy is possible—but only if both partners truly want the same things. The real question isn’t just can the relationship be saved, but should it be?

Understanding your attachment style can offer insight into why sexual disconnect might feel so distressing (or, on the flip side, why you might not see it as an issue at all). Our early attachment patterns shape how we experience intimacy—both emotional and physical.

How Attachment Styles Influence Sexual Connection

• Anxious Preoccupied Attachment: If you crave deep closeness, a lack of sex can feel like rejection, making you anxious about your partner’s love and attraction to you. You may start overanalyzing their every move, questioning whether they’re losing interest, or even blaming yourself. This fear of abandonment can make it tempting to chase validation through sex, sometimes at the expense of emotional connection.
• Dismissive Avoidant Attachment: If intimacy makes you feel suffocated, you might unconsciously withdraw from sex as a way to create space. Physical closeness can feel overwhelming, triggering a need for distance. You may rationalize the lack of sex as "not a big deal" while unknowingly pushing your partner away in other ways, too. [Discover our most effective strategies for navigating sex and intimacy with a Dismissive Avoidant partner.]
• Fearful Avoidant (Disorganized) Attachment: If you fluctuate between craving intimacy and pulling away, you might find that sex feels both deeply connecting and terrifying. A dry spell might trigger fears of rejection and fears of getting too close. This push-pull dynamic can make it hard to navigate intimacy in a way that feels safe and consistent.
• Secure Attachment: If you’re secure, you’re more likely to see a lack of sex as a temporary phase rather than a crisis. You can express your needs without fear of rejection and are open to working through intimacy challenges without feeling trapped or panicked.

Making the Right Decision for You

If you’re struggling with sexual disconnect, ask yourself:

• Is the lack of sex making me feel unloved or disconnected?
• Am I avoiding intimacy because of deeper fears or discomfort?
• Do we have open, honest conversations about our needs, or do we avoid the topic?
• If nothing changed, would I be happy in this relationship long-term?

Attraction and intimacy can be rebuilt, but only if both partners are willing to address the root causes. Whether that means reigniting passion, shifting expectations, or making the hard choice to walk away, understanding your attachment style can help you move forward with clarity and self-awareness.

How the Personal Development School Can Help You Navigate a Sexless Relationship

A sexless relationship can feel confusing and frustrating—especially if one partner craves more intimacy while the other seems withdrawn. Often, the issue isn’t just about physical attraction but deeper emotional patterns tied to attachment styles, communication struggles, and unresolved fears.

The Personal Development School (PDS) helps individuals and couples understand why intimacy has faded, what’s driving the disconnect, and how to rebuild connection in a way that meets both partners’ needs. How PDS Helps You Rebuild Intimacy:

Understand Why the Spark Faded – Is the lack of sex due to stress, emotional distance, or deeper attachment wounds? PDS helps you identify the root cause instead of just treating the symptom.

Break Free from Avoidance or Anxiety Around Sex – If intimacy makes you shut down, or if a lack of it makes you feel rejected, your attachment style could be at play. PDS helps you navigate your own attachment style while also helping you understand your partner’s needs and triggers. You also learn the tools to cultivate a secure attachment so you can have a stronger, healthier relationship with both yourself and your partner.

Navigate Tough Conversations About Sex – Many couples avoid talking about intimacy because it feels uncomfortable. PDS teaches step-by-step frameworks to discuss your needs, desires, and fears without causing further distance.

Bridge Attachment Style Differences – If you and your partner experience intimacy differently—like an avoidant partner withdrawing or an anxious partner seeking constant reassurance—it can create a cycle of tension. PDS helps you navigate relationships when insecure attachment styles are at play, ensuring both partners feel heard, valued, and emotionally safe.

Rebuild Emotional & Physical Connection – Whether it’s through non-sexual intimacy, shifting your relationship dynamics, or addressing deeper insecurities, PDS helps you rebuild trust, affection, and attraction—so intimacy feels natural again.

A sexless relationship doesn’t have to mean the end of a relationship. With the right tools, you can break down emotional barriers, reignite desire, and create a relationship where both partners feel fulfilled. PDS is here to guide you every step of the way.

Key Takeaways: A Sexless Relationship – What It Is, Signs, and How to Fix It

• A sexless relationship isn’t always a problem – It depends on whether both partners feel satisfied and connected.
• Lack of sex vs. lack of attraction – A dry spell doesn’t necessarily mean attraction is gone. Stress, life changes, or emotional disconnect can all play a role.
• Common causes of sexless relationships – Stress, body image issues, unresolved conflicts, health concerns, and lifestyle changes can impact intimacy.
• The emotional impact varies – Some couples thrive without sex, while others experience frustration, loneliness, or resentment.
• Rebuilding intimacy goes beyond sex – Emotional closeness, non-sexual affection, novelty, and honest conversations can help reignite desire.
• Attachment styles play a role – Anxious, avoidant, or fearful-avoidant tendencies can shape how partners experience and navigate intimacy.
• Open communication is key – Discussing needs, fears, and expectations around intimacy can help bridge emotional and physical gaps.
• The Personal Development School can help – Learn how to break patterns of avoidance, rebuild connection, and create a fulfilling relationship.

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