15 Signs of Bad Communication in a Relationship

Communication difficulties are one of the most common challenges in relationships.

At times, it feels like no matter how much effort we put in, conversations turn into misunderstandings, conflicts go unresolved, and emotional distance grows.

Often, this struggle stems from deeper, underlying factors, including stress, past experiences, and even attachment styles, and turns into a cycle.

But what exactly does bad communication look like? Why does it happen? Most importantly, how do you approach it in a healthy way to empower yourself and your relationship?

So, before we discuss the 15 signs of bad communication in a relationship, let's examine the questions above!

What Does Poor Communication Look Like in a Relationship?

Bad communication is a breakdown of what someone says and what someone understands.

However, poor communication isn’t just about arguments—it can also manifest as avoidance, passive-aggressiveness, or feeling unheard in a conversation.

When communication breaks down, it becomes harder for partners to resolve conflicts, express emotions and needs, or maintain a healthy connection.

At the heart of effective communication is mutual understanding.

Over time, too much conflict, a lack of transparency, or minimal communication erodes the relationship, creating resentment and loneliness.

That’s the importance of mutual understanding—it’s about ensuring that both partners can communicate openly and feel heard and understood.

And mutual understanding and poor communication have a lot to do with attachment styles.

The Role of Attachment Styles in Communication

Attachment styles play a significant role in shaping how we communicate in relationships. How your parents or caregivers brought you up shaped your approach to others, relationships, and love.

• Those with an anxious preoccupied attachment tend to over-communicate and seek frequent reassurance because they have a fear of abandonment.
• Conversely, dismissive avoidants often struggle to express emotions and withdraw rather than engage in deep conversations. This can create tension in an avoidant-anxious relationship.
• Fearful avoidants have a complex and often contradictory approach to communication in relationships. They crave connection but fear vulnerability, leading to a push-pull dynamic of inconsistent communication patterns.
• Securely attached people communicate in a way that fosters trust and clarity. They are open, direct, and emotionally balanced, making it easier for them to navigate both intimacy and conflict.

These differences can create tension and, over the long term, negatively impact your relationship.

Do you want to know if your attachment style impacts how you communicate with your partner?
Take our free attachment style quiz to get a free report to get the answers!.

How Bad Communication Affects Relationships

Poor communication has a two-prong effect: one on yourself and your needs and the other on your relationship. Take a read below to see how poor communication affects you.

Impacts to Your Relationship

Becoming Disconnected: Emotional withdrawal (like no longer sharing their feelings or needs) and physical distancing (like avoiding eye contact or affection) can create disconnection in partners, eroding intimacy and trust despite being in the same space.

Developing a Toxic Attitude: Toxic can be a loaded word, but it’s an accurate one when it describes how negativity can creep into relationships. Becoming defensive, dismissive, or overly critical turns the relationship into a battleground, where you and your partner look at each other like enemies.

Building Resentment: The inability to communicate openly can have a ripple effect, as these unresolved issues lead to frustration and resentment, which changes the dynamics of the relationship.

Lack of Relationship Growth: Relationships are like life—you’re always growing. So when a relationship becomes static due to missed opportunities and minimal communication, it becomes “stuck,” unable to move forward.

Creating a Sense of Insecurity: If you don’t feel secure in your relationship, how can you continue? Poor communication often breeds insecurity about one’s place in the relationship and the other's intentions, triggering fears of abandonment or betrayal.

Impacts to You Personally

Low Self-Esteem: Repeated dismissals or lack of emotional availability can lead you or your partner to question your/their worth in the relationship. This can trickle down to low self-esteem, as both of you can feel unworthy of love or respect.

Increased Loneliness: Emotional disconnection often results in feeling alone, even when physically together. But it’s a different loneliness to being single—it’s harder because there’s a presence there you want to share with, but you can’t.

Increased Sadness, Depression, or Stress: Every argument, misunderstanding, or avoidance adds to the pressure, making everything feel overwhelming—and that will batter your mental health, triggering a way of symptoms like anxiety, sadness, and stress.

Now that we’ve explored the effects of poor communication, let’s examine why miscommunication occurs in relationships in the first place.

What Causes Bad Communication?

Poor communication in relationships doesn’t happen overnight. It often stems from deeper issues, including:

Poor Listening Skills: One partner isn’t actively listening (whether that’s looking at their phone or doing chores), so the other feels like their words don’t matter. It’s painful to open up while being left to feel invisible and unimportant.

Harsh Words and Tones: How often does a harsh word or biting tone hurt more than any physical injury? That’s because words are powerful, and if you or your partner speaks with anger or frustration, it feels like neither of you values the other—regardless of how valid the point is.

Unrealistic Expectations: We all have dreams of what a relationship should look like, but when those expectations are too high or unrealistic, it sets both partners up for failure. When you feel like you’re constantly falling short of what your partner wants, it leaves you wondering if you’re ever enough.

Different Attachment Styles: We discussed this in length above, and it's important to note that without understanding these different dynamics, it’s easy to spiral into unnecessary poor communication.

Not Knowing Their Love Language: There are five love languages (physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gift-giving, and acts of service), and everyone’s is different. Not knowing or understanding your partner’s love languages can lead to mixed messages. You could actually be trying to do something good, but it’s misinterpreted in the wrong way.

Keeping Score: Relationships aren’t a game of football or Nintendo. Keeping track of who’s done more or who “won” the argument only builds walls between you and your partner. Remember, you’re in a team together, not opposing each other.

Lack of Empathy: When neither of you don’t take the time to understand emotions, you start dismissing each other. You both feel alone in your struggles and instead of feeling supported, you’re left to navigate your pain by yourself.

Now that you understand the root causes of miscommunication, you can start looking for signs of bad communication in your relationship.

Signs of Poor Communication in a Relationship and How to Fix It

Your Text Messages Are One-Sided

It’s common for one person to text more than the other—some people are just better texters than others—but if one of you is constantly texting and the other one rarely or never answers, your communication could be off.

Solution: Have an open conversation with your partner about communication preferences by setting expectations for how you’d like to find a balance between texting, phone calls, and in-person communication that works for both of you.

You Tend to Keep Big, Important News to Yourself

Some people are more private than others, but if you tend to keep big news from your partner, this could mean there’s a communication issue. It could also signify that you’re worried they won’t be supportive of you.

Solution: Make a conscious effort to share important news with your partner, no matter how big or small. For instance, if you’re uncertain how they’ll react, share your feelings first: “I’m nervous about sharing this, but I’d like to tell you about something that’s been going on with me.”

One (or Both) of You Get Defensive

While everyone gets defensive from time to time, if you consistently flare up over minor things that don’t warrant that type of reaction, it could be a sign that you’re not communicating well.

Solution: Practice self-awareness and pause before reacting. If you feel defensive, acknowledge it to your partner, then create space for yourself to reflect on your emotions and thoughts before returning to the discussion.

You’re Passive-Aggressive with Each Other

Passive aggression, which typically involves indirect resistance and avoidance of direct confrontation, can be toxic to any relationship. If you or your partner are often passive-aggressive with each other, this can be a sign of poor communication.

Solution: Commit to speaking openly and honestly about your feelings. If you’re upset, say it directly in a kind and respectful way. Remember that open, honest conversations allow both partners to feel heard and understood.

You Give Each Other the Silent Treatment

Also called “stonewalling,” giving someone the silent treatment can be damaging behavior in a relationship. A 2016 study showed that 156 couples found that when people were in the habit of giving each other the silent treatment, they were more likely to suffer from back pain, neck stiffness, and general muscle aches.

Solution: Take a few moments to reassess your thoughts and feelings before returning to the discussion. Try to be calm and clear in your words to avoid issues arising.

You Mostly Text Instead of Actually Talking

There’s a time and place for virtual communication, and in 2023, it’s hard to find a couple that doesn’t text regularly. But if you’re only texting and rarely talking in person or on the phone, this could signify that you’re having a hard time communicating intimately.

Solution: Texting isn’t going to help you build a stronger relationship. Talking in person or over the phone is the best way for you to build a deep connection and reduce misinterpretations.

You Use Negative Body Language

Communication isn’t just verbal. Body language is a significant form of communication, too. If you and your partner constantly cross arms, avoid eye contact, or don't touch affectionately, this could indicate lousy communication.

Solution: Pay attention to your body language and make an effort to express warmth through open gestures, eye contact, and affectionate touches.

You Have Cyclical Arguments

It’s common for the same issues to come up in a relationship repeatedly (family, money, and sex are all great examples). However, having the same type of argument repeatedly and never reaching a conclusion could mean there’s a larger communication issue.

Solution: It’s important to identify the root cause of recurring arguments. Try to ask questions that get to the heart of the issue and work on concrete solutions together to solve it once and for all.

You Shut Down During Arguments

Even though it might be your instinct to do it (looking at your dismissive and fearful avoidants), it’s essential to acknowledge that completely shutting down and removing yourself—as in, you completely stop engaging with each other mid-fight—from the situation is unhealthy.

Solution: When you feel like shutting down, communicate that you need a break. Giving you and your partner space helps both of you gather your thoughts before talking about the issues.

You Criticize Each Other Regularly

We’re all human, but nitpicking at every little thing can be incredibly destructive to the relationship. Constantly criticizing each other can chip away at the emotional connection in a relationship, even if their small comments may seem harmless at first.

Solution: Focus on constructive feedback by discussing the behavior or thought, not the person. This approach allows the focus to shift from attacking the person to addressing the issue.

Making Assumptions About A Partner’s Thoughts or Emotions

Assumptions can cause many problems in a relationship. They reflect what you think of your partner, put them into a box, and limit how you can resolve issues.

Solution: Ask open-ended questions and communicate directly with your partner instead of assuming what they think or feel. Allow yourself to be more open-minded about who your partner is, as this encourages vulnerability and keeps both partners aligned.

Not Recognizing One Another’s Input

Relationships really struggle when there is a lack of input from both sides. If you don't recognize each other's input, it can result in a partner feeling hurt, undervalued, and unwanted.

Solution: From cleaning the dishes to paying the bills, make it a habit to validate each other’s efforts in the relationship, both big and small.

Not Respecting People’s Space

One bad form of communication is constantly overstepping boundaries and not letting a partner have time to think for themselves. If a partner isn’t given space when they need it, it can lead to feelings of suffocation, frustration, and resentment.

Solution: Respect each other’s need for solitude by allowing them time to process their thoughts and emotions. Make sure you’re clear about what alone time means for you, reaffirm it’s about you, not your partner, and encourage them to take alone time, too.

Unsolicited Advice Creates Tension

We all love and respect our partner's opinion, but there is a line sometimes when it becomes unsolicited advice that you have not requested. Essentially, this can cause a riff because it's like you're being told what to do.

Solution: Before offering advice, ask if your partner wants help or if they just need a listening ear. A classic way to approach this is with this line, “Do you want solutions, or do you want me to listen?”.

Agreeing Just to Avoid Conflict

Agreeing just to avoid conflict might seem like a short-term solution, but it often leads to bigger problems down the road. It builds resentment because the person who was appeased feels unheard and disrespected.

Solution: Practice honest communication, even if it means facing discomfort. Express your feelings calmly and respectfully, as this promotes openness and ensures both partners feel seen and heard.

How to Improve Communication in a Relationship

Great communication isn’t just a natural talent—it’s a skill you can learn and improve.

With the right mindset and practice, you can foster a deeper connection, resolve conflicts effectively, and create a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

While we touched on these above, here are some key tactics to help you build stronger and healthier communication habits.

• Practice Active Listening: Try to really focus on your partner’s words and emotions.
• Establish Healthy Boundaries: Respect each other's needs and personal space, and recognize it best for the relationship.
• Address Issues, Not The Person: Focus on the problem at hand, not the person.
• Communicate Openly: Engage in open discussions and allow everyone to have their say.
• Do Not Make Assumptions: Keep an open mind instead of guessing what your partner thinks or feels.

Try these methods within your relationship, and you'll develop habits that:

• Encourages emotional safety
• Prevents misunderstandings
• Strengthens trust
• Resolves conflict faster
• Reduces relationship strain
• Encourages compromise
• Creates deeper intimacy
• Builds long-lasting love

Key Takeaways of Bad Communication

• Bad communication occurs when there is a gap between what someone says and what someone understands, leading to misunderstandings, frustration, and emotional distance.
• It can negatively affect your relationship by creating resentment and developing a toxic attitude while increasing depression and low self-esteem.
• Poor communication occurs due to poor listening skills, different attachment styles and love languages, and a lack of empathy.
• Some key signs of bad communication include being defensive, having cyclical arguments, not recognizing a partner’s input, and not respecting each other’s space and boundaries.
• You can improve your communication via active listening, healthy boundaries, communicating openly, and addressing issues, not the person.
• The results are more emotional safety, fewer misunderstandings, more trust, and the ability to resolve conflicts faster.

If you're ready to improve your communication skills, search for our Master Healthy Communication program. It offers a step-by-step guide to resolving conflicts, repairing relationships, and expressing yourself clearly and confidently.

For couples struggling with miscommunication, our Expressing Your Needs: Scripts for Effective Communication course provides practical, real-world scripts to help you navigate tough conversations easily.

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