Healthy Relationship Checklist: Key Signs & Boundaries

Do you wonder if your relationship is loving or too challenging? Are you curious to know if your relationship is healthy or heavy on the heart?

Let's be real: sometimes it can be difficult to tell if you're in a healthy relationship.

A healthy relationship is one in which both partners feel safe, respected, and supported, and while it is not perfect, it is built on trust and growth.

Conversely, especially when emotions run high and communication is unclear, relationships can feel confusing and cause doubt.

Often, it can be hard to understand where the issues in your relationship are coming from—and how to build the skills to help it thrive rather than survive.

This relationship checklist is designed to help you gain clarity and confidence about your connection.

In this guide, you’ll explore:

• What is a Relationship Checklist
• Why you should use one
• 15 questions to add to your checklist
• How often you should use one
• Next steps to start healthy habits

What is a Relationship Checklist?

A relationship checklist is a tool for reflecting on the health, status, and compatibility of your romantic relationship and how it impacts you emotionally, mentally, and practically.

When emotions are high or things feel uncertain, a checklist can help you reconnect with what truly matters for you and your partner, especially when either of you is feeling unsure about your relationship, where it's heading, and what you want from it.

A checklist can include items related to values, behaviors, goals, needs, and deal-breakers, but ultimately, it depends on what's most important to you.

Which, in turn, might be due to your attachment style or wounds.

For example, if you're a Dismissive Avoidant, your checklist will be very different from that of an Anxious Preoccupied person. You might focus more on independence than quality time.

That’s okay, as this tool is here to help you understand those nuances and focus on growth.

Learn More About Attachment Styles
Take our short 5-minute quiz to discover which one you have and the next steps in how to heal it.

Why Have a Relationship Checklist?

When you're in a loving relationship, it’s easy to overlook red flags or to second-guess other flags.

Similar to this, when a relationship is troubled, it's easy to ignore what's working and what needs improvement.

A relationship checklist can be a helpful way to take a long, hard look at any of the issues coming up in your relationship so you can begin to work toward a healthier, happier relationship with your partner.

Checking in with your partner regularly helps you ground you in reality, help you set healthy boundaries, and validate your feelings while focusing on what you need to improve in your relationship.

So, what should you include on your checklist? I’ve made it easy for you with 15 questions to add or include in your relationship checklist.

15 Questions to Add to Your Healthy Relationship Checklist

Communication & Listening

Healthy relationships prioritize open and empathetic communication. This means actively listening to your partner, expressing your thoughts and feelings honestly, picking up on your non-verbal cues (like body language, tone of voice, and love languages), and addressing issues together through constructive conversations.

Effective communication builds trust, understanding, and emotional intimacy. It's essential for resolving conflicts, sharing joy, and ensuring both partners feel heard and valued.

Questions	Answers
When we disagree, can we talk it through calmly?	Yes or No
Do I feel heard and understood by my partner?	Yes or No
Does my partner listen to both my words and my feelings?	Yes or No

Trust, Transparency, & Respect

Trust is the bedrock of a healthy relationship. It involves being reliable, keeping promises, and being truthful with each other. Honesty and transparency are critical for maintaining trust. Without trust, your relationship may suffer from insecurity and anxiety, impacting communication and intimacy.

The same goes for respect. When you and your partner respect each other, that means you value each other's opinions, boundaries, and autonomy. Even when opinions or beliefs differ, make sure to treat each other with kindness and consideration.

Questions	Answers
Do we keep promises and follow through on commitments?	Yes or No
Can I be honest with my partner without fear of judgment?	Yes or No
Is there openness about feelings, actions, and concerns?	Yes or No

Equality & Support

Healthy relationships involve providing emotional support, understanding, and empathy to one another. You and your partner should be there for each other during the joys and challenges of life.

Offering a shoulder to lean on and showing genuine care and compassion strengthens your emotional bond and creates a sense of security and trust between you and your partner. Couple this with shared experiences, such as through shared hobbies, date nights, or simple moments of togetherness, can help create important memories and foster intimacy.

Questions	Answers
Do we respect each other’s opinions and choices?	Yes or No
Do we celebrate each other’s successes without jealousy?	Yes or No
Is there mutual emotional support during tough times?	Yes or No

Boundaries & Consent

Establishing and respecting boundaries ensures that both you and your partner have the freedom to grow and maintain a healthy balance between in personal lives and together. You'll become more secure with yourselves and each other as opposed to burning out.

Furthermoe, both of you should have the space to pursue your interests, spend time with friends and family, and maintain their sense of self outside of the relationship. This alone time allows you to focus on your needs and meet them in a way to make you feel whole.

Questions	Answers
Are my personal boundaries respected?	Yes or No
Do I feel free to say “no” without guilt or fear?	Yes or No
Do we maintain our individual interests and friendships?	Yes or No

Shared Goals & Growth

Shared values and goals provide a roadmap for the relationship and help maintain a sense of unity and commitment. Discussing and working toward shared aspirations creates a sense of purpose and direction, ensuring that you are on the same page.

Combining both a sense of autonomy and personal fulfillment complements the shared journey of the relationship, allowing you both to thrive both as a couple and as individuals.

Questions	Answers
Do we discuss and align on future goals and values?	Yes or No
Are we committed to growing together while supporting individual growth?	Yes or No
Do we make important decisions collaboratively?	Yes or No

How Often Should We Conduct a Relationship Checklist?

The overall idea of the relationship checklist is to check in with your partner to see how you and they are feeling about the relationship.

So, the question of "how often should we have a relationship check-in?" varies depending on your relationship stage and needs:

Relationship Stage	Suggested Frequency	Why This Works
New Relationship	Monthly	Builds early habits of openness
Long-Term Relationship	Quarterly	Maintains connection and course-corrections
Post-Conflict / Rebuilding	Weekly	Supports healing and rebuilds trust

Remember: The most important part isn’t how often—it’s that you create space to check in honestly and kindly.

Final Thoughts: Building Healthier Relationships, One Honest Question at a Time

Healthy relationships aren’t built in a day: they’re built in honest moments. Every time you pause to reflect, ask questions, and truly listen, you’re creating safety, trust, and connection.

Whether you're navigating new love, rebuilding after challenges, or simply wanting to grow together, try this checklist on your own or with your partner. Let it spark calm, open conversations.

Or feel free to explore our Key Pillars to a Secure Relationship or Ending Codedependency courses to strengthen emotional safety and intimacy.

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