Why Are the Holidays So Stressful?

It’s said to be the most wonderful time of the year.

But as we approach the holiday season, many of us are already operating in "survival mode". The constant hustle, busy schedules, and ongoing stressors of daily life have left us teetering on the edge of burnout.

Now, with the anxiety levels and expectations of the holidays looming, we're faced with a perfect storm of stress and high-functioning anxiety that can push us beyond our limits and into depression and manifest as physical symptoms.

So much so, that we might be in "survival mode" exhibiting signs including:

1. Difficulty relaxing without constant stimulation.
2. Being overly reactive to small things.
3. Feeling rushed in everything you do.
4. Exhaustion at the end of the day with no in-between state.
5. Pushing people away due to lack of time.

And if you're feeling this as the festive season approaches, it's important to take a step back and recognize what's driving these stressors, how to deal with them, and why it's very common to feel this way.

6 Holiday Stress Statistics

Recent data from a survey by the American Psychiatric Association reveals some fresh insights into holiday stress:

• 28% of Americans report experiencing more stress related to the holiday season than the previous year.
• 46% of respondents are worried about affording holiday gifts.
• 47% are struggling with grief or missing a loved one during the holidays.
• 35% are concerned about dealing with challenging family dynamics.
• Among young adults aged 18-34, 54% express being 'very' or 'somewhat' worried about affording holiday gifts.

So, what's driving these high levels of stress during what should be a happy time of year?

10 Reasons Why the Holidays Are Stressful

1. Attachment Style Activation: The holidays often bring our attachment styles into sharp focus. Those with anxious attachment may find themselves desperately seeking validation through perfect gift-giving or hosting, while avoidantly attached individuals might feel overwhelmed by the constant social demands.

2. Core Wound Triggers: Family gatherings can reactivate childhood wounds, including those stemming from abandonment or enmeshment trauma. Whether it's feeling unseen, unheard, or not good enough, these core wounds often resurface during holiday interactions, leading to emotional dysregulation.

3. Financial Strain: The costs associated with gift-giving, travel, and hosting events can cause significant financial stress. This can lead to insecurities and disputes, particularly if family members have differing priorities or financial circumstances.

4. Busy Schedules: Balancing work, social obligations, and holiday preparations can lead to feelings of overwhelm and high-functioning anxiety. The added tasks of shopping, decorating, and attending events can create a sense of time scarcity and exhaustion.

5. Grief and Loss: The holidays can be a painful reminder of lost loved ones or estranged relationships. The emphasis on family and togetherness can amplify feelings of loneliness or absence for those who have experienced loss, including instances of ambiguous grief.

6. Differing Traditions and Values: Conflicts can arise in families with diverse religious views or different ideas about celebrating, especially in mixed and extended families resulting from divorce.

7. Unresolved Childhood Issues: The holidays may trigger emotional responses related to past experiences or unmet needs from childhood. Family gatherings can resurface old dynamics and unresolved conflicts.

8. Comparison and Social Media: Seeing others' seemingly perfect holiday celebrations online can trigger feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. The curated images of ideal holidays can create unrealistic expectations and feelings of self-doubt.

9. Disrupted Routines: Changes in sleep patterns, diet, and exercise routines can negatively impact physical and mental health. The disruption of healthy habits can lead to increased stress and decreased resilience.

10. Emotional Labour Overload: The holidays often demand significant emotional labour, especially for those who take on the role of peacekeeper or organizer in their families. This can lead to emotional exhaustion and resentment.

To learn more about moving from surviving to thriving, check out this video:

How to Deal with Holiday Stress

While holiday stress can be overwhelming, there are plenty of tools and strategies available to help us cope, allowing us to have an enjoyable holiday experience.

Here are some festive season tips that can help you stay in the holiday spirit:

Practice Attachment Self-Awareness: Recognize how your attachment style influences your holiday experiences. If you're anxiously attached, focus on self-validation rather than seeking it from others. If you're avoidantly attached, set clear boundaries while allowing for meaningful connection.

Engage in Inner Child Work: Before family gatherings, connect with your inner child. Acknowledge their needs and fears, and commit to being there for them during challenging moments.

Create a Trigger Action Plan: Identify potential emotional triggers and create a specific action plan for each. This might include stepping away for a few minutes of deep breathing or texting a supportive friend.

Implement Nervous System Regulation Techniques: When you feel overwhelmed, use techniques like box breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise to regulate your nervous system.

Practice Mindfulness: Instead of getting caught up in holiday perfectionism, focus on being present in each moment. Engage your senses fully in the experience, whether it's savoring a meal or truly listening to a loved one.

Establish Clear Boundaries: Communicate your needs and limits clearly and compassionately. Remember, boundaries are an act of self-respect and ultimately lead to healthier relationships.

Engage in Somatic Practices: Connect with your body through practices like yoga, tai chi, or body scans. This can help you stay grounded and regulated during stressful moments.

Practice Radical Acceptance: Accept that some things about the holidays and your family dynamics may not change. Focus on what you can control – your responses and self-care practices.

Engage in Cognitive Reframing: Challenge negative thought patterns by reframing situations. For example, instead of seeing family gatherings as a source of stress, view them as opportunities for growth and healing.

Prioritize Post-Event Recovery: Plan for downtime after social events to allow your nervous system to regulate. This might include quiet time alone, journaling, or engaging in a calming hobby.

Cultivate Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself throughout the holiday season. Acknowledge that it's okay to have mixed feelings and that you're doing your best.

Takeaways

• Holidays can be stressful due to heightened expectations, family dynamics, and financial concerns.
• Statistics show that holiday stress is a common experience for many adults, with 89% reporting stress during this time.
• Effective stress management strategies include setting realistic expectations, establishing boundaries, practicing self-care, and seeking support.
• Mindfulness, gratitude, and flexibility can help reduce holiday stress.
• Remember that it's okay to prioritize your mental health concerns during the holiday season.

If you find that your holiday stress is overwhelming or that you're struggling to cope, we encourage you to search for and take the "Repair and Reconnect in Your Family Relationships" program offered by The Personal Development School.

This program can provide you with valuable tools and insights to navigate complex family dynamics and create more positive holiday experiences.

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