Trauma Bond Withdrawal Symptoms

Trauma bond withdrawal symptoms can be challenging to overcome if you don’t understand where they originate from.

Many people don’t realize that they’re in the midst of a trauma bond relationship until they start noticing the signs themselves. 

In this blog, we’ll delve into what trauma bonds are, how they form, the signs of a trauma bond, and how to manage withdrawal symptoms when breaking free from one.

What Is a Trauma Bond Relationship?

A trauma bond is a strong, unhealthy, and emotional attachment to someone that causes significant, intense physical, mental, or emotional pain. It is a relationship characterized by abuse, manipulation, and control.

This bond is an abusive cycle of intense emotional highs (like declared statements of love and affection) followed by lows (abuse, neglect, and manipulation).

This cycle makes the victim develop a deep connection to the abuser, often feeling confused, scared, and dependent on the abuser. 

Trauma bonds are not solely exclusive to romantic relationships, with many occurring in family relationships and friendships. In some ways, they are related to co-dependent relationships but are a more extreme and abusive situation. 

Ultimately, the victim relies on the abuser, so they never leave the relationship.

And when someone does try to leave the relationship, they experience withdrawal symptoms.

Let’s take a look at those right now. 

Trauma Bond Withdrawal Symptoms

Trauma bond withdrawal symptoms can be potent and difficult to overcome.

In many ways, they're similar to substance addictions (like alcohol or drugs) or PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) because of the deep emotional investment attached to them and how specific moments or situations might trigger them.

Here are the most common symptoms that someone might experience: 

• Emotional turmoil, which includes feelings of depression, anxiety, stress, or emotional numbness at being separated from the abuser.
• Intense cravings to reconnect with the abuser or return to the relationship.
• The victim might experience intense feelings of guilt, shame, and regret over the relationship ending, and it is their “fault” for it.
• Strong fears of abandonment drive their desire to get back into the relationship. 
• A feeling of isolation, that they don’t know anybody else or what they can do by themselves 
• Damaged or low self-esteem, where the victim struggles to overcome their self-doubts after the separation. 

While all these symptoms seem overpowering and consuming, there are many ways to manage and overcome them. 

Managing Trauma Bond Withdrawal Symptoms

Managing withdrawal symptoms involves addressing both emotional and physical aspects of recovery.

• Engage in self-care practices and activities that encourage physical and mental well-being. These can include mindfulness, exercise, healthy eating, relaxation, and time with friends or family. 
• Too many people feel guilt and shame about their relationships ending. Being kind to yourself can help you forgive yourself for the past and look forward to the future. 
• Reprogram your beliefs. Subconscious reprogramming can help you overcome your innate beliefs about who you are and what you believe about the relationship. This process will help you gain perspective and take steps toward recovery. 
• Practices like mindfulness and meditation can help manage anxiety and emotional pain that comes with the withdrawal symptoms. 
• Journaling is a powerful tool for assessing feelings and beliefs while opening up new ideas and perspectives. Writing about your experiences and feelings can provide clarity and help you process emotions.
• Starting again after a trauma bond can be complicated and overwhelming. Get professional advice during this transitional period in your life. Make sure you find a counselor who specializes in trauma and abusive relationships.
• Surround yourself with understanding and supportive people who can provide encouragement and practical help. Whether it’s family, friends, or a professional, having a solid network around you will help you in case you fall back into old habits or symptoms. 

The trauma bond relationship is challenging to break due to several factors: dependency, emotional investment, and even attachment styles.

But how do people fall into one? Let’s take a look at the stages of a trauma bond. 

The Stages of a Trauma Bond

Trauma bond relationships start in a very discreet and often unexpected manner. Here is how the stages of a trauma bond develop:

1- Love Bombing: The abuser begins by love bombing the victim with over-the-top displays of love and affection in an attempt to draw them into the relationship. People sometimes think this is "true love" because of the intense feelings and emotional connection.

2- Trust & Dependency: The abuser does everything in their power to make the victim trust them, often trying to advance the relationship to the next level.

3-Criticism: Once in a solid relationship, the abuser will start to pick on and devalue their partner through criticism, neglect, or emotional abuse. The idea is here to establish the abuser as a shining light. 

4-Manipulation & Gaslighting: The abuser will start to manipulate (through deceit, coercion, and misdirection) and gaslight (deny or twist the truth) their partner to alter their perceptions of life and reality. Therefore, the abuser is able to control the individual.

5-Giving up or Resignation: The constant flow of this cycle leaves the victim in a state where they resign or give up, avoiding conflict in the process. They tend to accept the abuser’s role in the relationship. 

6-Loss of Self: Now, deep into the trauma bond relationship, the victim starts to lose themselves and who they are. They lose their boundaries, beliefs, and desires, ultimately relying on and following along with the abuser.

7-Emotional Addiction: The flow of the relationship creates a cycle where the victim is “addicted” to this cycle, terrified of the lows but craving the highs. 

Unfortunately, lots of people don't realize they're in a trauma bond relationship until they're deep into it.

That’s why it’s essential to recognize the signs of a trauma bond relationship. 

The Signs of a Trauma Bond

Recognizing a trauma response or sign can be challenging. Here are some signs to look for:

• A partner that alternates between kindness and cruelty, or the partner displays toxic behavior
• Making excuses for the abuser’s behavior, either from the abuser or the victim
• Isolation from support systems, such as friends or family
• Physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse or neglect 
• Emotional dependency where the victim feels like they can’t live without the relationship
• A fear of abandonment with extreme anxiety about being left or rejected
• The victim blames themselves for any conflicts or problems
• The abuser promises they'll change, but they never do
• Abuse is covered up or hidden from others 

Some people are more inclinced to end up in a trauma bond relationship than others. Some particular factor are attachment styles.

Watch this video to learn how to overcome trauma bonds!

Trauma Bonds & Attachment Styles

Many trauma bonds form because of attachment styles and also highlight why they're so difficult to break. Let’s take a look at each insecure attachment style and its relation to trauma bonds: 

Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style: Those individuals with an anxious attachment style experience fears of abandonment, coupled with a desire for intimacy and closeness to their partner. This can make them more susceptible to trauma bond relationships because they “cling” to the relationship because of their abandonment trauma and have low self-esteem.  

Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style: Dismissive avoidants are known for distancing themselves emotionally when faced with conflict or abuse. While they might guard themselves against committing to someone, if they fall into a trauma bond relationship, they might downplay or avoid the conflict, thereby becoming part of the cycle. 

Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style: People with disorganized attachment often experience confusion and fear regarding relationships. They are stuck in a position of craving closeness but also fear it. This makes them vulnerable to trauma bonds that perpetuate a cycle of chaos and instability.

It’s important to note that insecure attachment styles are not permanent. You change them to become securely attached, thereby ensuring you have the power to avoid trauma-bonding relationships. 

How to Break a Trauma Bond

Breaking a trauma bond is a crucial but challenging process that involves self-discovery, patience, support, and willpower. Here are steps to guide you:

1-Acknowledge the Bond: You can’t break the cycle unless you recognize you’re in one. This level of awareness can help you start your journey toward independence, healing, and self-confidence. 

2-Strategize How to End the Relationship: As horrible as this might sound, you have to prepare how you’ll leave the relationship. That includes planning where you’ll go (while the abuser is absent to ensure a safer transition), what you’ll say, and who you’ll get support from. 

3-Get Support: Whether from family or friends or a professional, like a therapist or counselor, it’s essential to create a network around you for support. They will offer objective perspectives, emotional support, and positive reinforcement to overcome the relationship and the trauma bond withdrawal symptoms. 

4-Set Boundaries: Establishing firm boundaries with the abuser to protect yourself from further manipulation and harm is necessary. You need to put up those walls to secure yourself in the long term.

5-Go No Contact: The No-Contact rule is a powerful tool in your arsenal for giving yourself much-needed space from the abuser. It can help massively in your healing journey. For more information, read our No-Contact Rule guide. 

6-Focus on Self-Care: Abusers can lower your self-esteem; you have to bring it back up. Positive self-talk and reaffirmation, prioritizing your physical, emotional, and mental well-being, feeling your feelings, and giving yourself some time to reflect and not judge yourself too harshly will help you restore and find your sense of self again. 

Finding Support Here & Now

You don’t have to do this alone. If you feel you’re in a trauma bond or abusive relationship, you can reach out to the following hotlines based on your location:

• Canada — 1 833 456 4566
• United States of America — 1 800 273 8255
• United Kingdom — 116 123 
• New Zealand (Auckland) — 09 5222 999
• New Zealand (Outside of Auckland) — 0800 543 354
• Spain — 717 003 717
• South Africa —0200 567 567
• Australia — 13 11 14

You can also search here for more information.

If you can’t find a hotline that works for you, please look for services around your local area. 

Summary of Trauma Bonds

• A trauma bond is defined as a strong, unhealthy, and emotional relationship characterized by abuse, manipulation, and control. 
• Trauma bond withdrawal symptoms include emotional turmoil, cravings to return to the abuser, and feelings of isolation and abandonment. 
• Managing withdrawal symptoms involves engaging in self-care practices, reprogramming beliefs, and surrounding yourself with a supportive network. 
• Signs of a trauma bond include emotional dependency, excuses for abusive behavior, self-blame, and isolation. 
• Trauma bonds are linked to insecure attachment styles due to fears and beliefs. 
• Breaking a trauma bond involves getting support, acknowledging it, setting up boundaries, and practicing self-care. 

If you would like help with overcoming a trauma bond or codepdent relationship, feel free to sign up for our Healthy Balance in Relationships: Ending Codependency & Enmeshmentcourse.

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