What is an Attachment Style?

Attachment styles play a significant role in our relationships and overall well-being.

There are 4 types of attachment styles that can be formed during early childhood, depending on a person’s interactions and experiences with parents, caregivers, siblings, relatives, and friends.

Those experiences and interactions (everything from childhood trauma and unstable environments to a supportive and strong family unit) create their perception of the world, specific groups (like women and men), and how they interact with people.

In turn, this forms patterns and behaviors in their subconscious mind. Since the subconscious mind is more powerful than the conscious one, people follow these patterns repeatedly, whether they know it or not.

However, despite subconscious patterns, this doesn’t mean a person can’t transform their insecure attachment. Each attachment style has unique strengths and areas for improvement.

Understanding attachment styles can give us insights into our own behaviors and those of our loved ones. To begin the journey, a person just has to know which attachment style they have, their signs, and their origins.

In this blog post, we will explore the basics of attachment styles, their impact on relationships, and how recognizing and working with them can foster healthier connections.

Firstly, let's look at what are attachment styles.

What are Attachment Styles?

The term attachment style was coined in the 1950s by John Bowlby and later expanded upon by Mary Ainsworth. It was called "Attachment theory".

The attachment theory is based on the theory that your early childhood experiences, based on interactions with your parents and/or caregivers (or experiences outside of the home), form the basis of how you perceive and believe in relationships and love.

Essentially, they are experiences, interactions, beliefs, and boundaries that are formed in childhood and stay with us well into adulthood, affecting how we interact with people, what we believe about others and ourselves, our views on love and relationships, and how we face challenges.

There are four types of attachment styles:

• Anxious Preoccupied
• Dismissive Avoidant
• Fearful Avoidant
• Securely Attached

The first three attachment styles are known as "insecure" because there are insecure beliefs and emotions residing in the person due to unmet needs in chilhood.

Understanding each one of these attachment styles can help determine your attachment classification, assist with detecting your core wounds (or attachment wounds), your attachment behavioral system, and help you heal and overcome it, so you can find true romantic love.

Take a look at our graphic below to see what attachment style you might have!

The Four Types of Attachment Styles

Anxious Preoccupied Attachment

Of the 4 attachment styles, anxious preoccupied —also known as anxious attached —is recognized for its constant need for reassurance in its relationship and fear of abandonment.

However, ultimately, anxious preoccupied people want to be loved and valued.

They have a keen sense of when their partner is pulling away, making them become “clingy” or a “people-pleaser”. They desire to get close to someone because they never want to be alone.

Individuals with this style have insecure attachment patterns, often worrying about their partner's availability and dedication. They seek high levels of intimacy but can become clingy or overly dependent. They may struggle with self-esteem and be prone to jealousy and overthinking.

This stems from growing up with inconsistent parents. An example is when one parent was present while the other wasn’t or when parents would swing from being supportive to not.

The result is a child who can't break their relationship with their parents, developing an "anxiety" when they are unattached.

Building a secure attachment style for anxious individuals involves nurturing self-confidence, developing healthy coping mechanisms for anxiety, and improving communication skills to express needs and concerns in a constructive manner.

That’s why people with an anxious preoccupied attachment style have to:

• Work on themselves instead of others.
• Avoid becoming codependent on someone.
• Become less of a people-pleaser.
• And understand their core wounds and needs.

Only then can they become securely attached adults.

Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

Dismissive avoidants are recognized for their desire for independence and fear of intimacy, which is noticeable due to their lack of emotional bonding.

They fear they'll forever be stuck in a painful relationship with the wrong person. They feel they’ll be misunderstood, which drives them to believe the relationship will not last. They might even argue with their partners to drive them apart.

Other notable signs include having difficulty trusting others and feeling suffocated by too much connection. They often value self-reliance and independence over emotional bonds.

Their childhood was one of neglect, resulting in them self-soothing faster and building a wall around themselves.

However, those with dismissive avoidant attachment styles value independence and autonomy in an easy, fun, and harmonious relationship. They want to be accepted and acknowledged.

As a dismissive avoidant, individuals can work on cultivating self-awareness, challenging their fears of intimacy, and gradually allowing themselves to be vulnerable in safe and supportive relationships. Ultimately, getting professional therapy can assist with their development.

Check out this video to see how each attachment style responds to trauma!

Fearful Avoidant Attachment

Fearful avoidants are also known as “disorganized or disoriented” attachment styles. It’s because of these characteristics that out of the 4 main attachment styles, it’s the one that combines both elements of anxious and avoidant attachment styles.

Individuals with disorganized attachment may exhibit contradictory behaviors, experiencing both a fear of abandonment and a fear of intimacy. They may struggle with emotional regulation and have difficulty maintaining stable and healthy relationships.

This is because fearful avoidants experienced trauma-inducing childhoods, including not getting emotional support or living in unstable environments (divorce or abuse).

Due to a lack of emotional support or stable connection, they fear being in relationships and being trapped with someone unstable. They also fear betrayal or abandonment and feel unloved, devalued, and powerless.

Despite all this, those with a fearful-avoidant attachment desire a deep connection with people, wanting to be loved, heard, trusted, and valued.

They want to be independent and have the freedom to explore themselves. The trouble is they’re scared there is “too much to do” to overcome their issues.

Taking a deeper dive into understanding fearful avoidants can address and heal your underlying traumas so you can become a secure adult. It will help you understand and address underlying traumas or unresolved issues that contribute to your attachment style while helping you find secure relationships and meet your emotional needs.

Securely Attached

The only one of the 4 types of attachment style that is recognized for being secure.

A securely attached person arises because they grew up in a household that featured consistent emotional and physical connection from their parents, predictability, open communication, and stability.

That allows the child to grow into a confident adult that was values safety, openness, and vulnerability. They know who they are, what they want in themselves and their relationships, can handle their emotions, and view conflict as an opportunity to discuss challenges.

However, they struggle with other insecure attachment styles. They can be left wondering what they can do to help their partner and get worried they'll stuck with someone who isn't as secure as them.

Cultivating a secure attachment style involves developing self-awareness, building emotional resilience, and practicing open and honest communication.

Can You Change Attachment Styles?

The general consensus was that attachment styles (particularly insecure) are permanent; you have them for life.

But that's been debunked.

You can actually heal and overcome your insecure attachment style to become securely attached.

It requires a person to delve deep into their attachment style, understanding where their issues come from and how to heal themselves.

It involves the subconscious mind – and a proprietary method that we use only at The Personal Development School.

Then, they can make moves to become securely attached.

How to Become Securely Attached

Understanding attachment styles provides valuable insights into our relationship dynamics and offers a pathway to healthier connections.

By recognizing our own attachment style and working on developing secure patterns, we can cultivate fulfilling relationships built on trust, communication, and emotional intimacy. Remember, change takes time and effort, but the journey towards secure attachment is a transformative and rewarding one.

But the first step is knowing your attachment style - and we have a free quiz for that! You'll get a free detailed report explaining your attachment style and the next steps in your journey to become seucrely attached!

Takeaways

• Attachment styles are experiences, interactions, beliefs, and boundaries that are formed in childhood with our parents or caregivers.
• They impact us in adulthood, affecting how we interact with people, what we believe about others and ourselves, and our views on love and relationships.
• There are four types of attachment styles: Anxious Preoccupied, Dismissive Avoidant, Fearful Avoidant, and Securely Attached – the only secure attachment style.
• Each has different characteristics and traits in and out of relationships.
• However, you can change your insecure attachment style to become secure. You can do that with the proprietary method that we use only at The Personal Development School.
• You can discover your attachment style by taking our free 5-minute quiz!

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